Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
