pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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