THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
