i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
