ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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