found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
