I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
