I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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