question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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