I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize