He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
