dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize