FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
