dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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