Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
