we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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