You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
