Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
