I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
