I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MIDGETS
????
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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