Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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