he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
