wakey wakey hands off snakey
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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