fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
