Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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