I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize