I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
