Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
