The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
