Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
