Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
