it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
