Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
