The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
