I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
