Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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