We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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