It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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