Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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