I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
