1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
