oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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