Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
