shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
where are my eyebrows?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
