I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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