I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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