the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
