just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
