the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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