If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
