I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
