quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
