Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
