New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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