i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
