Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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