The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
