So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
