She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
