my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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