My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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