I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
