I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
