how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
