I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
