he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
