Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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