i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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