she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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