i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are all done wearing pants today
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
