I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
