i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
