So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
