this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
